squarepants

When I was younger, my Mum used to make the three of us eat those orange chewy vitamins, or vitamin tablets in various shapes and flavours. I could recall being forced into thinking that blackcurrant vitamins were candies, and oh God... being fed with silly-tasting Scott's Emulsion. 

Now, Mummy's stepped her game up. She's introduced salmon omega softgels and adult-ish vitamin tablets. Honestly, why do people make vitamins that smell like uh... mushed veggie. With an unacceptably enormous size and not to forget, they're dark brown in colour. LIKE WHO WOULD BE APPETISED EAT THAT. 

Um, ok, maybe my parents and Afiq, but who else???!?!?!

Faiz and I, both staying on the safe side, prefer to never eat grown-up vitamins.

But apparently, Abah's not taking no for an answer, hence he came up with an alternative... 

He bought us spongebob vitamins.

THESE TASTE SOOO GOOD WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY HAVE SUGAR IN THEM THEY'RE VITAMINS THEY'RE HEALTHY.

I left my spongebob box in the kitchen, next to all its adult friends, before going upstairs. 

The next thing I know, Mummy came up into the room, telling me how sedap those vitamins are. HAH. Even Mum likes spongebob. 

I told you adults vitamins are uncool.

5 ways to make a sister disappear

I ought to teach him some sister-love. Pffft, as if he would ever dare to get rid of me before getting his head chopped off. By me, if you're wondering.

5 Ways to Make My Sister Disappear

If you read the article, yeah yeah, he sure sounded nice and kind and all, but wait until you read his first draft below, the one I told him to redo... into... um... a milder version. 

Read his first draft. Just. READ IT. 

How to Make Your Sister Disappear by Faiz R

You see, sometimes, sisters can be very annoying. They tell you to comb your hair, tie your shoelace, brush your teeth… and report it to your Mum if you disobey. The same goes to my elder sister. It makes me want to rage. These can be done if your parents are not at home.

 1: Go to kitchen. Grab a knife. Stab her. Burn her body. Beware because your mom may        

     scold you because you burnt the knife.

 2: Tell her to go outside because mom is calling. Once she gets out, lock the door. Then, call   

     the police. Say that your sister is a psycho killer trying to get in your house.

 3: Go on a vacation. When returning home, say that you forgot to buy the returning  

     ticket and you have no money. Then, run and board the airplane. When you arrive, say to 

     your mom she wants to stay.

 4: When she is in a room, place all of your furniture at her door. Just leave a small hole. Make   

     sure she can’t go out. Everyday, give her only rice with egg and warm water. Sometimes, 

     give her plain bread. 

 5: Send her to a military camp secretly. Say that she is going to meet her friends. Then, just 

     leave her. Make sure she can’t escape. When she returns after four years, pretend you 

     have changed and send her to another camp.

WARNING! WARNING! If you follow the rules, you’re dumb. Please don’t do these. You will regret it. If you are desperate, lock yourself in a room.

I wouldn't mind No. 3, though.

smell the waffles

Bismillah. 

If there is one thing I learnt a couple of weeks ago; it's to stop and stare.

I could recite the Quran (I've got bad tarannum, but let's not elaborate on that yeah? Promise I'll improve teehee) but I knew I missed one thing: I don't particularly understand what the verses are saying. 

Occupied with a goal of finishing the Quran within 30 days, I was too busy sprinting I didn't realise I missed the central place of importance. Admittedly, I was satisfied with merely reciting it, forgetting the necessity of reading with understanding.

I don't wear glasses, but I reckon you'd get the same satisfaction and warmth - like when you lost your glasses and your vision gets kind of blurry and things appear to be in the distance, then all of a sudden it's HD again - upon reading a translation of the Quran.

When we go through the Holy book in detail, we'd get to see the beauty and knowledge underneath its verses. How eye-opening His words are, from the rivers flowing in Jannah, the stories of exemplary prophets, the nearing Judgement Day, to the threats that gives us goosebumps, should we disobey Him.

As for now, I tried the method of reading one sentence, followed by its translation, before proceeding to the next.

I suppose it's true what they say; one needs to remember, to stop and smell the roses waffles.

i'm actually Batman

I noticed this Batman joke going around on Twitter... and I couldn't help myself. I know I had to do it.

... Ain fell for it. Totally fell for it.

sticking to the oven

Remember that time, in 2012, when the whole class laughed at me for not being able to fry ikan?

source

Yeah? Well, newsflash: I STILL CAN'T. *sigh*

Let's be frank here, frying is dangerous. I never got over that episode when bibi accidentally dropped her pisang into the pan, and BAMMM - you could have guessed what came next - and then I cried, oh my God I cried, because she seemed to be in pain and I just couldn't see her hurt like that. 

At that moment, I made a promise to myself, to never fry anything. Ever. 

But bibi, huh, she went back to her oils and pans, the day after the accident, with no regrets. 

I wonder how she does that. Must be a total superhero.