5 ways to make a sister disappear

I ought to teach him some sister-love. Pffft, as if he would ever dare to get rid of me before getting his head chopped off. By me, if you're wondering.

5 Ways to Make My Sister Disappear

If you read the article, yeah yeah, he sure sounded nice and kind and all, but wait until you read his first draft below, the one I told him to redo... into... um... a milder version. 

Read his first draft. Just. READ IT. 

How to Make Your Sister Disappear by Faiz R

You see, sometimes, sisters can be very annoying. They tell you to comb your hair, tie your shoelace, brush your teeth… and report it to your Mum if you disobey. The same goes to my elder sister. It makes me want to rage. These can be done if your parents are not at home.

 1: Go to kitchen. Grab a knife. Stab her. Burn her body. Beware because your mom may        

     scold you because you burnt the knife.

 2: Tell her to go outside because mom is calling. Once she gets out, lock the door. Then, call   

     the police. Say that your sister is a psycho killer trying to get in your house.

 3: Go on a vacation. When returning home, say that you forgot to buy the returning  

     ticket and you have no money. Then, run and board the airplane. When you arrive, say to 

     your mom she wants to stay.

 4: When she is in a room, place all of your furniture at her door. Just leave a small hole. Make   

     sure she can’t go out. Everyday, give her only rice with egg and warm water. Sometimes, 

     give her plain bread. 

 5: Send her to a military camp secretly. Say that she is going to meet her friends. Then, just 

     leave her. Make sure she can’t escape. When she returns after four years, pretend you 

     have changed and send her to another camp.

WARNING! WARNING! If you follow the rules, you’re dumb. Please don’t do these. You will regret it. If you are desperate, lock yourself in a room.

I wouldn't mind No. 3, though.

smell the waffles

Bismillah. 

If there is one thing I learnt a couple of weeks ago; it's to stop and stare.

I could recite the Quran (I've got bad tarannum, but let's not elaborate on that yeah? Promise I'll improve teehee) but I knew I missed one thing: I don't particularly understand what the verses are saying. 

Occupied with a goal of finishing the Quran within 30 days, I was too busy sprinting I didn't realise I missed the central place of importance. Admittedly, I was satisfied with merely reciting it, forgetting the necessity of reading with understanding.

I don't wear glasses, but I reckon you'd get the same satisfaction and warmth - like when you lost your glasses and your vision gets kind of blurry and things appear to be in the distance, then all of a sudden it's HD again - upon reading a translation of the Quran.

When we go through the Holy book in detail, we'd get to see the beauty and knowledge underneath its verses. How eye-opening His words are, from the rivers flowing in Jannah, the stories of exemplary prophets, the nearing Judgement Day, to the threats that gives us goosebumps, should we disobey Him.

As for now, I tried the method of reading one sentence, followed by its translation, before proceeding to the next.

I suppose it's true what they say; one needs to remember, to stop and smell the roses waffles.

i'm actually Batman

I noticed this Batman joke going around on Twitter... and I couldn't help myself. I know I had to do it.

... Ain fell for it. Totally fell for it.

sticking to the oven

Remember that time, in 2012, when the whole class laughed at me for not being able to fry ikan?

source

Yeah? Well, newsflash: I STILL CAN'T. *sigh*

Let's be frank here, frying is dangerous. I never got over that episode when bibi accidentally dropped her pisang into the pan, and BAMMM - you could have guessed what came next - and then I cried, oh my God I cried, because she seemed to be in pain and I just couldn't see her hurt like that. 

At that moment, I made a promise to myself, to never fry anything. Ever. 

But bibi, huh, she went back to her oils and pans, the day after the accident, with no regrets. 

I wonder how she does that. Must be a total superhero.

sticky jungles

Omg guys!! I went to Australia.

Ok, I lied. Picture above is taken at the Kundasang War Memorial, remembering 2428 Australian and British prisoners of war during the World War II.

Mama had this idea of whisking her kids into the jungle because a) she loved the prospect of giving her children a short getaway prior to their exams (what she said), b) they spend too much time on the internet (what I know she actually meant).

Naturally, I survived the world's longest island to island zipline. Flips tudung, OK??!! I SURVIVED.

But no, Mum, you can take us out of the city, still can't take the city out of us. 

not butter

"*inserts some religious rituals procedure that eventually turns out as inaccurate* IMPORTANT!! PLS SHARE"

"*types some """fact""" about the Prophet and how he loved to (insert)* PLS SPREAD THIS"

"*shares some misguided information about the true faith* RT IF YOU LOVE ISLAM"

"*writes a paragraph on some non-existent day, e.g., Different-Faiths-Burn-Quran-Day*"

*attaches a picture of a Hadith, only to find out it was fake, but keeps it anyway because you have 3,000 RTs* 

*uploads photoshopped pictures of a celebrity supporting (insert) or condemning (insert), garnering said person numerous bashful comments*

*publishes hateful rumours about an unresolved issue, have 40239939110 users liking your post, in which, was completely inaccurate and defective in the end*  

If the Internet is ice cream, one can say that social networks are the cherries, granted that we use it for good, instead of spreading false information, which may lead to fitnah, by the way.

Let us all do a little research before spreading, sharing and retweeting. Google it, check its authenticity, share/RT if true, inform the tweeter (I think I just invented a word, really, tweeter??? but whatevs) if it's a hoax. 

Go on guys, do our homework.

Kindly correct me should I have posted untruth. (because, come on, heels can't help me with this.)